Jodi and Shannon from Terzich & Ort stop by to talk about how issues that come up during divorce proceedings are the same issues that come up during marriages. And it's easier to deal with them during a marriage than during a divorce.
Here are their thoughts on these issues:
There are many issues that lead people to divorce, and those issues are magnified in the context of a divorce. So whether you are an intact family or a family facing divorce, there are some things you should do to improve your communication, financial wherewithal, and overall connectedness.
Communication: Breakdowns in communication are typical and often lead people into divorce. This is particularly troubling when people are in a divorce and they can’t have communications with one another regarding their children, their ideas for settling their case, or moving things forward. We have many tools we use in the context of a divorce that can help people communicate regarding their children, including online calendaring, email programs that are set up for divorcing couples.
In the end the better you can communicate with your spouse the less you need to pay your attorney to communicate for you.
Financial: If, during a marriage, there is not complete transparency regarding finances, that practice will change when going through a divorce. Some people have secret credit cards or separate accounts and there is no visibility which can cause conflicts or lack of trust. During a divorce, every asset, bank account, account statement must be disclosed. You cannot settle a case without having complete transparency. The best thing to help you in the context of a marriage or a dissolution is to make sure everyone has access to passwords and account visibility. Often times full disclosure will bear out the fact that spouses have been honest about the financial circumstances despite the initial veil of secrecy.
Connectedness: With regard to sex, People having sexual relations outside of the marriage create emotional conflicts. People should seek therapeutic help to deal with the emotional toll. We see clients holding an expectation that the court will somehow hold a cheating spousal accountable for his her actions, but this is a no-fault state and that is an unreasonable expectation. A person who has not had help processing the infidelity may only have his/her emotional meter further drained by the process that views the infidelity as irrelevant.
Infidelity also acts an elephant in the room during settlement negotiations, so while it is irrelevant in the division of assets and support it is an important factor share with your attorney because it helps us in understanding the trust issues and sometimes it’s something that needs to be addressed on the forefront in order to move forward.
If you have questions for Jodi or Shannon, visit their website here